Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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