please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
