I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
