I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
