I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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