i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
