i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
