why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize