I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
