when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
