TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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