You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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