Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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