No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I could fuck to npr.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
