I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
