Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
