I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
