What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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