I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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