i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
