I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
