i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
