my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He has the fingertips of a God
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
