Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
