Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
