guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
