I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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