I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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