i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
