You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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