what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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