i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
