I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
