everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
