the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
