she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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