is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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