The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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