I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
