Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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