He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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