I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
