I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
