cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
