My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
