I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
