I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
