I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
