It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
