batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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