My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
