No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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