they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
