i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
